Sunday, May 8, 2011

Deep Processing...

" You were the sun that brightened my day
Now who’s going to wipe my tears away
If only i knew what i know today
Mother i’m lost without you "

Lagu Sami Yusuf terus menjadi teman setia, sesetia air mata yang terus-terusan tumpah..

8 May 2011

I suppose it's reaching the limit now. I have tried, my best. To act like grown ups. To show that I am able to carry myself, handle my own feelings with care, and most importantly to achieve my own target of being a better person compared to before. Last year was my first time being afar for a very long period of time. 13 Sep-5 July. It was almost one year. Never had I thought that I could be that 'strong' ... But alhamdulillah, the 'pain' was paid with a 2-and-a-half-month break, spending almost all the time with beloved family. But it wasn't that 'satisfactory' for me since I think I didn't do much as a child to my parents; neither being helpful enough, nor showing enough care and love to them..

'Ala kulli hal, alhamdulillah. I couldn't deny that it really worked as therapy for me, having said that it has reached the limit (as what I'm facing now ). The break was a real 'break' that I wasn't anymore 'engaged' to things like the haunted essays, bundles of reading and the suffering from non-stop homesickness. (It was rather worse when I lost my beloved grandma a few days after my arrival. ) Alhamdulillah.. I don't think I can stand up till today without that therapy. (Allah knows best and He has planned what's best for me)

Personally, when reflecting myself a few months back, I could say that I am getting 'stronger' - I cried less ;-) .. Thanks to everything that keep myself busier compared to my First Year. Alhamdulillah, that's the 'hikmah'. Mum always says: "It's not only you, it's me too, who feels the same thing. I did this, and that, to lessen it.*rindu, teringat2* And so do your friends I guess..Be patient.. It's only 3 months. or 2 months. or 50 days." (She even does the countdown!) and she sometimes makes some jokes or tries hard to change the mood- "Macam mana nak duduk jauh nanti kalau sekarang pun macam ni.." and I know what she did was predicting my future married life. ;-) " Oh Mum.." I was speechless. One thing that I really hope is that I will get a really understanding life partner in the future, ameen.

8 May-13 JUne

It's +- one month left! And I have got too many things to think and settle before I am again back home. InshaAllah..I suppose people sometimes become stressful or depressed and homesick due to the excess thinking their minds do =)

I wont do the list here.

But, I hope everyone who reads this will pray for my success in my upcoming Final Exams and may Allah grant me happiness and peace at heart always..


People shouting outside.

No more Sami Yusuf's song.
Silent moonlight.
Silence. and peace. and tears.
Good night...


And I call this:
Deep processing.
For me to become a better child.
a better friend.
a better person.

*air mata , kian kering*


Pink Ciput said...

Be patient..dat's what u always told me..:) sabar ye dear..only 1 month left.
Let's focus for our Final exam! :)
I pray to Allah, may Allah give success to all of us, ease everything and bless us always. May Allah grant us endless happiness and peace at our hearts. :)

Kembara Syahadah ~NFES~ said...


Thanks a lot my dear Syahirah.. Love u so much..

I must learn to be patient.. he...

ameen..may ALlah bless u.. <3

IslamSeeker said...

good luck in everything you do. things like this does teach you to be a better person in the future insya'allah ^^

my prayers is always with you sis :P

Pink Ciput said...

LOVE U to sayang :))

"Biarkan keringat dan air mata itu mengalir, kerana ia masin,Kelak, pasti ia akan menjadi Garam Kehidupan"~